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Depression is a part of us that is separated from the other parts of us, unable to find its way back, and the shadow takes its place to obscure our vision.

During my depression I never thought that I was not the only one suffering. My entourage suffered the flow of my negative energies, in total incomprehension, as if a veil had separated our two existences, living in two separate worlds.

It's no one's fault, I think my parents and I would have been happy to hear those words, "it's not your fault!" The guilt added to an already suffocating world of words left unspoken, and broken communication.

Is there a solution? I am afraid not. What we forget is that each person is unique, which does not allow for there to be ONE solution to the problem, but to provide help as a whole. Shouldn't we consider when a person is depressed, that there is not 1 wounded heart but several? How can you heal if those around you don't try to heal either.

Although I did not get the help that I expected, my life experience made me grow. This is what worked for me, and not a silver bullet. We all have something that transcends us, for my part, the trip saved me, my adventure in the United States was a springboard for self-reconstruction. I have to remember that we can't save anyone if they don't want to be saved. Accompanying people with benevolence is the key. Nor should we question everything, endlessly searching for one guilty party. But let's give a lot of love to what has been hurt. A malfunction in communication is just a wound that speaks and must be enlightened so as not to persist in a situation that would only get worse. Respect for loved ones is important. Without realizing it, we impose on others what we want, we let our fear control (our relationships with those who are dear to us) the lives of those who are dear to us.

Putting your experience into words when you are depressed is the hardest thing. It's like suffering a storm, we have to wait for it to pass to see the clearing. In this stream of heavy thoughts that weigh down on us every day, it is more difficult to understand how to put our pain into words. We feel annihilated, fragile in the face of the gazes that land on us. A deaf cry constantly resounds within us. The fear of judgement, the fear of being, is added to the life that already seemed far too heavy.

It must be understood that the pain felt is difficult to describe. That difficulty deepens the gap between us and those who share our lives. I couldn't bear to be seen as "depressed", but on the other hand I needed to be understood.

This is not so easy for those around you, trying to juggle between how they acted before and what we are going through now. Not allowing certain behaviors or words that reinforce depression to be reproduced, but also being careful not to change what worked before. Do not make the person in pain feel too much that something is wrong. We already feel far too miserable, and even sometimes a kind word only sends us back to what is wrong. The complexity of an emotion is experienced intensely for someone who is not well. Lack of self-confidence can sometimes scare away the well-meaning person, because the person suffering from depression is unable to accept the love they are giving them.

Looking back, I think I would have liked someone to help me to build confidence in myself. Today it seems difficult to me that someone else could cure/love you when you yourself don’t have self-love.

Time is also one of the keys to reconstruction and self-knowledge. Time is also what we need in order to accept that we are part of this world. Depression leads us to think that life is too hard, and that we don't like what we are. That pain seems to be the only part of our only existence.

Life no longer has any meaning and we feel useless and invisible to others. The meaning of life must find a melody, so that our own music resonates among others.

This is what I wrote during my depression, trying to make the words speak about my feelings which were just a mishmash inside me.